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Mark Thomas felt completely alone when he suffered a “total mental breakdown” more than a decade ago.
After 21 years of police work, his stamina simply wore out after attending a highly traumatic call on April 8, 2003.
“I remember the exact day,” Thomas told 9news.com.au.
Looking back on that day and the years since the accident, the 52-year-old said there were “so many red flags” about his mental state.
“Something was markedly different from any other deceased person or trauma scene. I have not been on this type (suicide) before,” he said.
“When I looked at the deceased, I felt a physical reaction in my chest.”
Thomas lives with PTSD, depression and anxiety and now understands exactly what he felt.
But it wasn’t always like that.
“I was in my early thirties and mental health literacy wasn’t great then,” he said.
“I had no knowledge and I was very naive, I didn’t do anything about it.
“There was something about that scene where it was completely (different) compared to other scenes I’ve been on in terms of the trauma.”
He continued to work as a uniformed officer in the decade after the incident before moving up to detective and back to sergeant.
But something deeper was bubbling inside the 52-year-old, and it all came to a head in February 2013.
“My symptoms just went up and it was because my stamina was completely worn down,” he said.
“So it ended with my first treating psychiatrist saying ‘catastrophic loss of self.’
“This looks like a mental breakdown… It was a massive anxiety attack.
“I (had) flashbacks. I’d fallen asleep on the sofa and then I’d lay down and put my head down and hit myself transported back to the stage and nobody sleeps with what’s bouncing around in their head.’
Thomas entered hospital this month after completely isolating himself from his friends and family.
“When I suffered this catastrophic loss of self, my normal human brain turned off, but my police brain turned on. I spoke to my wife and said to call welfare,” he said.
“I know what it’s like to grow up without a parent. So I couldn’t let my two little ones grow up without a parent.
“I (was) trapped in this little weird space where I didn’t want to leave, but (couldn’t) take my life.”
He was soon diagnosed with PTSD, depression and anxiety.
“I thought no one could understand.” But it was rubbish
There are more than 370,000 emergency service workers in Australia and it is estimated that at least one in 10 will develop PTSD, according to the Black Dog Institute.
Emergency service workers are also twice as likely to experience mental illness as the general population, largely due to the high risk of exposure to workplace trauma.
Although PTSD is so common among EMS workers, Thomas said he felt “very alone” in the days, weeks and months after his diagnosis.
“I was sitting there thinking no one else can know what I’m going through here, which is complete rubbish,” he said.
That’s when he thought about starting a peer support group for local police officers on Facebook.
“I thought once I got back to work full time I would start a little support group for doctors if they were struggling or newly diagnosed,” he said.
“So they don’t feel alone.”
A “glimmer of hope” for thousands
After completing its return to work program, the Code 9 Foundation was officially established in 2015.
The group started with 30 members and has since grown to a membership of over 3,200 professional first responders across Victoria.
“We can do anything,” Thomas said.
“We are police professionals, fire paramedics and triple zero operators.
“We do everything to lighten the load and put a smile on their faces.” If we can put a smile on someone’s face while they’re in the dark, that’s brilliant because I know what it’s like to be in complete black, which is a completely strange feeling.
“Then to have a spark of hope that is as strong as anything can be.”
The foundation delivers food parcels to members, they send families on holidays and they also fund and provide trained and accredited guide dogs.
Just last week, two new sponsored service dogs joined Code 9, thanks to the team at Integra Service Dogs Australia.
Today is National PTSD Awareness Day, and by sharing his story, Thomas hopes many other police officers and emergency workers can see life beyond the diagnosis.
“I’m an eight-hour-a-day coppersmith. I’m a husband, a father and a cricket coach. I also run a charity,” he said.
“PTSD, depression and anxiety do not define who I am. It’s just something that sits in my back pocket and I have to manage it.”
Readers seeking support can contact Off Blue on 1300 22 4636 or Lifeline on 13 11 14.
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